Harry Potter and the Order Of the Laptop
by the sHINjo
Summary: Harry introduces Ron to the wonders of technology. Will this episode of showing off muggle "magic" end in havoc, chaos, and destruction? Probably. *COMPLETE*
1. The Story

"Harry, what's this thing, 'ere?" Ron stared at the screen of Harry's exclusive laptop. 

Sitting down, Harry pat the small notebook laptop with his hand and grinned from ear to ear. "This my wizard friend, is what muggles call...a laptop."

Ron gasped. Both hands rose to his gaping mouth and Harry cackled evilly as lightning bolts flashed behind him.

"Oh, Ron, Harry! Must you do that INSIDE?" Hermione came bustling into the Gryffindor commons room papers falling from her stacked books. Dropping them on a table she picked up a book, which was burnt to a crisp and sizzling.

"Sorry." Both of them apologized but returned to the mysterious laptop.

"What's it for?" Again, Ron asked as he stared at the piece of machinery.

"Well," Harry started clearing his throat, trying to sound professional and all, "It's a machine that muggles use when they want to get things done fast. It's sort of like...well in a figure of speech, their magic."

Hermione sat down next to the two of them and nodded, "Yeah, my dad has one of them back home. Quite an interesting contraption if I do say so myself."

Hopping to his feet, Ron began to jump up and down wildly waving his arms and shrieking. "Show me how it works, Harry! Show me how it works! I wanna see it do stuff! I want to see muggle "magic"!"

Calmly reaching up, Hermione grabbed Ron's ear and pulled him down to his previous sitting spot. "Chill, Ron. It's only a laptop."

All present in the Gryffindor commons room stared at Harry, Ron, and Hermione for a minute before slowly returning to their previous activities.

Clearing his throat again, Harry narrowed his eyes and shifted them from Ron to Hermione. "...Now's the time...for us to see....the great...magnificent...intriguing...---"

"Heeeeeeeeeey, Harry!" CLICK! 

The flash of a camera blinded Harry momentarily and both his hands shot up to cover his eyes as he carefully placed his laptop on the bed before he ran around the commons room screaming bloody murder.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!! THEY BUUUUUUUUUURN!!!!!!!!!!!! CAMERA-FLASH-BLINDNESS!!!!!!!!!!!! ....Oh wait, it's gone." 

Trying to remotely keep his dignity, Harry sat down again, and looked to Colin Creevy who was holding the result of his snap shot. In the picture, there was a picture of Harry, eyes bulging and mouth hanging slightly at an angle. The picture Harry dealt Colin a good amount of cold glares before walking out of the small frame.

"My goodness Harry, you sure are more jumpy than you used to be..." Colin said scratching his head, and letting the camera hang from the strap around his neck.

"Colin...how many times...---"

"Must he tell you NOT TO TAKE HIS PICTURE?! Especially when we're doing _important business_ here!"

Turning his head away from Ron, Colin strutted away as if hurt. "Fine then, tell me when Harry ISN'T busy. Don't you dare take all the _action_, Weasly!" And with that, the jr. photographer stormed off.

Both Harry and Ron stared after him, face faulting.

"You know, _you_ were the one who chose the wording on that one." Added Hermione in her "I told you so" manner. 

All eyes were once again upon the three, but when Harry turned to them, they busily engrossed themselves       in their work.

"Now...as I _was_ saying... This is the long awaited... LAPTOP!" Harry reached for the release button of the screen and tried to pry the two pieces apart. It didn't work. He tried again. Nothing.

"Hang on...I'll get this...!!!" He continued to fiddle with the closed laptop before Hermione quietly reached over and snapped the top open. 

"...Yes... Thank you...Hermione...." 

"Wooooooooooooooooow..." Ron stared, fixated to the black screen of the laptop. He tapped it once. Twice. Three times. 

"STOPPIT RON!" Harry hugged the laptop close to his chest in a protective way and snapped his jaws at Ron's extended finger. "MINE...!" When he realized what he was doing he let go of the computer and let it fall upon his lap. "Erm...excuse my...over protectiveness..."

Turning her head, Hermione pawed the air innocently. "That's an understatement..."

Looking down at the laptop again, Harry moaned. "Uh oh..." In his rush to clutch it, the top had shut itself and was now closed again.

"Hermione...." Harry pleaded through a mumble.

"Must I do _everything_?" After sighing, Hermione opened the laptop, AGAIN.

"Ooooooooooooh....Ahhhhhhhhhhh...." Ron stared at the black screen again with much enthusiasm.

"Ron. Ron... RON!" Snapping his finger in front of the drooling redhead, Harry's brow twitched. "I haven't even turned it on yet..."

Using his sleeve, Ron inconspicuously wiped away the drool that was hanging from his lower lip. "No...of...course you...haven't turned...it on....I knew that...I was just...testing your reaction...yeah yeah, that's it just...testing your reaction."

Giving Ron several wary looks of suspicion, Harry pressed the small, blue power button. With the starting of the laptop, came a small upscale sound.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Grabbing his chest, Ron hit himself where his heart resided several times.

"...This is why I don't show you nice things." Mumbled Hermione as she looked to Harry, shaking her head.

Ignoring the scared-half-to-death Ron, Harry logged on and prepared to get on the Internet. When the AOL sign on screen came up the screen name, "BroomClosets369" appeared and Harry's eyes bulged.

His eye twitched. "Since when did THEY use my laptop?!!!!!!!!"

"Since when do who?" Both Hermione and Ron stared over Harry's shoulders. 

"...Nothing...." Harry quickly clicked the drop down menu and selected his own screen name, "ChoanHarry4eva" but not before finding another alien screen name "potterdoezpot". '_Since when do Malfoy, Professor Snape, and Professor Lockhart know how to use a computer?!'_

As the three of them waited for the annoying dial tone to pass, they sat eyes fixated to the screen. 

"You should really get DSL." Hermione commented as the dial tone continued to drone on and on and on.

"I should, shouldn't I?"

"Yes you should." 

"Do you even know what the bloody hell we're talking about, Ron?"  
  


"No I don't."

"..."

"Whaaaaaaaat?"

"Never mind."

Finally the AOL welcome screen appeared and Harry eagerly clicked on the URL text block.

"Where're we goin' Harry?"

Harry mumbled under his breath, "_We're not going anywhere, _I'm _getting out of this joint..."_

"What was that Harry?"

"...Nothing."

"Harry, you've got mail." Pointing at the little mailbox on the welcome screen, Hermione cocked her head with interest.

"Eh? Wonder who it's from....I don't believe I gave my e-mail out to anyone...who would know how to use a computer that is. Or even what an e-mail address was." He clicked the little mailbox.

"Subject: Your eBay bid on...eBay"

"You bid on something on eBay?"

"I bid on something on eBay?"

"What's eBay?"

"...Ron go to sleep or something." 

"OKAY!" Loud snores could be heard from where he sat and Harry and Hermione twitched with annoyance. 

"...RON WAKE UP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jerking up, he stared at both of them. "BUT YOU JUST TOLD ME TO GO TO SLEEP!"

"WELL WE'RE TELLING YOU TO WAKE UP, NOW!"

"MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!!!!!!"

"CAN WE STOP SCREAMING NOW?"

"NO!!!!!!"

"YES!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone else in the commons room answered in unison, holding their ears, and glaring at them.

"Sorry..."

Dobby suddenly appeared on Harry's head. "What's with all the screaming?"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry stood up in utter surprise, and the laptop flew from his lap.

Falling, falling, falling, it fell towards the ground in slow motion.

Ron made a dive for it and screamed in his slow-mo voice. "Nooooooo....oooooo....oooooo....ooooo!" Hitting the floor with a loud thud, he fell unconscious before he could make it to the laptop.

Hermione gasped as the machine hit the floor, and broke with a sickening crack.

Harry's face lit up with horror and Dobby mysteriously disappeared. Sinking to the broken parts of his laptop he grasped them, eyes filling with tears. "...MAAAAAAAAAAAARIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"

Slowly, Hermione walked over to Harry, and placed a light hand upon his shoulder. "She's gone, Harry... She's gone... She's NEVER comming back..."

"Alright, alright, you don't have to rub it in! Let me suffer in peace!" He huffily returned to the mangled piece of what once was a laptop. "Maria..."

"Since when did it have a name?" Ron looked up from his spot on the floor.

"Aren't you supposed to be unconscious?" 

"...Oh yeah, right." Thud.

******

"Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep..." 

"What the bloody hell?" Lockhart peered over at the little tracking spell upon his desk. "Severus, please come here will you?"

Rolling his eyes, Snape stormed over to where Gilderoy sat and glared at the spell. "Yes?"

"I think...our connection to the real world...just died..."

"Lockhart don't be silly, laptops just don't---"

"IT DIED, SEVERUS! DIED!!!!!!!!" Grabbing the potions master's robes tightly, Lockhart began to sob into his shoulder.

"...Lockhart...Lockhart...? Lockhart?!" Snape stared at the weeping professor in utter helplessness. 

"I'll get you for this Potter! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!!!!!!!!" Snape cried to the sky as the great picture of Hogwart's School castle for Witchcraft and Wizardry faded into the distance.

Author's Note: Just a little humor spiff, I decided to write. Hope you guys enjoyed it, as always. Make me a happy author and REVIEW. That's right, you know you want to. Maybe I'll write more Harry Potter fics for you fans out there if I get enough reviews.


	2. Reviewing: A Brief Author's Note

A NOTE TO ALL THE READERS OF THIS FICTIONAL PIECE:  
  
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE LAPTOP  
  
This is one of my newer creations as you may know. It, being a humor/parody fic, indeed was created for the likeness of having my fellow readers and writers of fanfiction.net to "laugh". May the term be known.  
  
Many have reviewed in the short period of time this fic has been up, and under the majority its either been "OH! THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY, I LOVED IT." or "OMG! THAT MAKES NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER. THE HELL?!" Please, excuse me for being blunt. I enjoy getting some negative reviews that can help me improve my writing works.  
  
Although...  
  
This fic was not meant to make sense. It was a "parody" meaning a spiff off the original work, which is to come out June 21, 2003. I am only writing this so that you may be a little more open minded.  
  
Opinions are great. They're what keep us different from the rest of the world, because we can formulate our own ideas, and hopefully, you won't get ridiculed for your ideas.  
  
So next time, think about your words before you actually say them.  
  
Thank you, and keep reading and reviewing!  
  
the sHINjo 


End file.
